I rarely ever rant about my feelings on the internet…in fact, I rarely post anything at all. But honestly, tonight was just the last straw on the camel’s back that drove me to post this on tumblr, the first post in an EXTREMELY long time.
This is to you, friend (actually, can I even truly call you that?).
For the past several months, all I truly wanted was to be your friend. I really admired the fact that you seemed to have persevered through so much. You up and left home when you decided you just couldn’t handle the way you were being treated at home, and even though you had so many lows you’ve come so far from that. I admired your bravery and resolve to get a better life.
You opened up to be about it. And I thought, maybe he really trusts me and wants to be my friend if he’s telling me all this. But honestly, I’m doubting all of that now.
I cannot possibly sympathize with all your hardships, and my heart truly goes out to you and I wish I could have taken that pain away for you. But after a while, all you started to do was talk about yourself. I didn’t mind listening to you talk about your family, because at first, I thought I was being a friend to you. But now I’ve realized I’m just being used as a tool for you to distract yourself. All you do is complain about tiny things that, hey, we all get annoyed at too, but that’s ALL you would ever talked about. Rarely have you ever asked how I was doing. Granted, you have been there for me when I was going through a rough time, and I TRULY appreciate those moments…but ever since then, when have you ever asked how I was, and actually cared? When was the last time you messaged me first…?
Today, you messaged me first. And what was the reason? YOUR DATE WAS LATE and you just wanted to whine about “oh why me why do people stand me up.” I was PISSED. No “how are you”, no “what’s up”, just going straight to the point, and basically showing that I am nothing but a last resort friend for when you get bored or one of your “worthy” friends isn’t there for you. And quite frankly, I’m sick of it.
Someone close told me long ago that you weren’t really looking for friends, you were only using people for your own needs, even if just subconsciously. They told me that you weren’t capable of being a good friend, that you only cared about yourself, that you only wanted attention. I refused to believe that for so long, and defended you long and hard. I always defended you, saying that you just went through a lot, that you’re going through a hard time figuring yourself up and need friends to be there for you. That you weren’t selfish, you were just misguided sometimes. I tolerated you talking about yourself so much because I honestly just thought you needed someone to talk to. That you did care about me as a friend. But I was wrong.
I wish I had listened to that person a long time ago.
It makes me angry but also sad to realize this about you. But honestly, I don’t really have anymore fucks to give anymore after how you’ve treated me. I’m done.